# 3 - Discipline




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Today is about helping our young child experience the love through disciplining.   Let's face it, it is  word that can be easily misunderstand.  So read through your book and read through the notes here.  Chat with you soon and let's pray for each other.  -Pbong 

p. 71 - the gap in discipline between what i want and what the child needs... "What I want is contol.  What they need is loving, engaged discipline.  And discipline is not a tool for controlling behavior.  It is a process of discipling a child's heart toard the right loves.  

Discipline as Discipleship in the Story of God

  • p. 71 - the dominang theme is not our misbehavior but God's love in spite of our misbehavior. 
  • p. 72 - biblical movement of God's discipline:  
    • Love (creation)
    • human misbehavior (fall) 
    • God's sacrifice in respone to misbehavior (redemption)
    • Calls us to love and reconciliation (consumation)
  • p. 72 - the discipline of God takes the shape of love, "for whom he loves he chastens" (Heb. 12:6)
  • p. 72 - if we love our children, then we will find ourselves faced over and over with the tsk of discipline our children through discipline...means of stewarding their hearts toward loving God. 

The Problem With Instincts (p. 73-76)
  • p. 73 - Discipleship in practice of discipline requires forming good habits.  
  • Instincts in Moments of Discipline
    • "They are doing this on purpose." vs. Anger directe at them
    • "This is an insult to me personally" vs. Bitterness and revenge
    • "...They meant the best." vs. Dismiss and Ignore
    • "...they can be reasoned with" vs. uselsss words
    • "...(retaliate) with pain and shame" vs Revenge or abuse
    • "I am frustrated, exhausted" vs. Impatient behavior management
    • "Not today / inconveninet" vs Abdication of the rold of parent
    • "protect my reputation" vs. self-conscious behavior management
The Pyramid of Discipline, p. 76
  • p. 77 - this tool is to visualize the kinds of habist you need to practice in order to move you, and your child, from misbehavior to reconciliation

  • Habit 1: Establish Loving Authority (p. 77):  
    • It is foundation of discipline 
    • Authority intervenes with loving strength (authority in love)
    • A relational role to fulfill not just an idea to share
    • Theological reality:  a child is not autonomous (p. 78)
  • Habit 2: Pause for a moment (p. 78) 
    • Reality of Discipline: It happens on the ove, but it does not have to be off the cuff (pause)
  • Habit 3: Pray and Talk to Yourself
    • We are being disciples in the moment (not just the child)
    • "only I can do the workd to realize that my anger in that moment is not a product of their misbehavior but my impatience. 
    • p. 80 - short but real moment of prayer
  • Habit 4: Use body langauge and space more than words and threats
    • p. 81 - Body language communicates the gospel
    • "look into my eyes" - get their attention of their minds and souls
    • p. 81 - Pull someone separately - space is important
  • Habit 5 - Be relentless in seeking understanding
    • p. 82 - Teaching a child to be self reflective
    • Asking questions...
      • What di dyou do
      • What did you think was going to happen when you did that
      • What did you want the other person to feel when you did that? 
    • It's more than finding an answer, it's finding them.  
  • Habit 6:  Think Carefully about consequences - p. 83
    • Actions have consequences 
    • Helpful consequences are those that move us toward reconciliation.   
    • Follow through after you count to 3
    • p. 84, Consequences - Doing chores with you
    • Consequences - confession and repentance
  • Habit 7:  Insist on apologies as a confession
    • p. 84 - Confession is a step where we hve to say our sin out loud so we realilze how nasty it is
    • Help children repent 
    • Words lead the heart - help the child verbalize
  • Habit 8 - Always end in reconcilitation
    • p. 86 - "brothers hug"
    • forced smile
    • moment of blesing and prayer 

The Pyrmid Practice
  •  Lack of apology - repeat what I say
  • Reconcile

Discipline as Acting the Drama of Redemption (p. 88)
  • Forgive us as we forgive our debtors
p. 92 - Remember, disciline is probably the hardest thing we do as parents.  Give a lot of grace, to you and your kids.   

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